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I am so ridiculously excited that the Opening Ceremony of the 2016 Olympics is tonight. I mean it. I’m so wound up about this shit that I even remembered to wear my Olympics tank top from Old Navy. (Yeah, I linked to it. Fecker’s on sale for $10.45.)

2016 Rio Olympics

Yeah, I used your logo. Come at me, NBC.

Look — I know that Rio is clearly not the safest place for the athletes. I’ve read all the articles, and I think the sewage water and mosquitos and Olympic village and robberies and everything else is a goddamn mess. I completely understand that we should be awarding a gold medal in the sport of “Life” to the guy who disarmed a robber with jiu jitsu. I am in no way naive enough to believe that everything going on in Rio right now is beautiful and perfect.

But, it’s the Olympics. My fervor will not be deterred. Seriously — we only get them every 4 years. And it’s SPORTS! Nonstop sports for the next two weeks. I’m about to get so intense about rhythmic gymnastics. You don’t even know. And synchronized swimming and trampoline and archery and pole vaulting and…everything. I will become an expert in every sport for the next two weeks. I’ll converse for hours on a gymnast’s standing back handspring. Don’t worry, within a month it’ll all be gone again.

This is also one of the few times you’ll catch me being rather nationalistic. Not because I’m “USA USA USA” but more like “US US US”. I am thrilled to watch anyone achieve a goal they’ve been working toward since they were a little kid. I get a sense of accomplishment and pride by proxy.


Anyway, if you need me for the next couple of weeks, you can find me stationed in front of a TV or computer streaming all the everything. OLYMPICS!




Life, Shopping, Technology

Best Gifts for The Pokemon Go Trainer in Your Life

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been swept up into the Pokemon Go craze. And let’s be honest, so have you. Really, though — stop acting like this is the worst thing of all time. The real tragedy here isn’t that everyone is walking around with their heads down, looking at their iPhones — it’s how many Rattatas and Pidgeys are around my office buildling and my apartment.

I am someone who is averse to all major life changes — that is, unless it consists of catching adorable monsters and categorizing them. I’ve already been assimilated. This is my life now. I even got Damon to sign up, and we’ve been sitting on the couch next to each other catching Drowzees since a couple weekends ago. I’m on Team Mystic, and I gave my trainer purple hair.

Maybe you’re feeling it, maybe you aren’t. Either way, it can’t hurt to get a little something for your favorite Ash Ketchum (or yourself). Or me. Consider this an early Christmas list.

Here’s a compilation of the best Pokemon-themed goodies I found on the internet. Stop by these e-PokeStops and fill your backpack with items!

I’m not sure how I’ve managed to catch any Pokemon at this point without this hat. Straight outta the Pokemon TV show, this is the hat Ash Ketchum wears to do work, son. Catch ’em all and keep the sun outta your eyes.

I love everything about this. I will concede that I am obsessed with onesies — perhaps moreso than the average human being. But this thing is less than $20! I’ll put the Ash Ketchum hat on top of Pikachu’s head, on top of my head, I don’t care.

Geeky Jerseys Pokemon Trainer Hockey Jersey

Hot damn. Blackhawks colors, too! This jersey is fully customizable. You can choose the number and the name on the back. And the quality on these things is straight-up awesome. I have one of their jerseys in a GOT Night’s Watch theme and can’t say enough about the patches, stitching and breathability.

Pokemon House Mystic T-Shirt Etsy

Speaking of Game of Thrones…a Pokemon/Game of Thrones Mashup? I die. “House Mystic: When the snow falls, so shall they” — winter is coming, y’all. Straight up. Need.

Pokemon Snorlax Mask Etsy

After a long day of wandering all over town hunting the elusive Snorlax, come home and get a good nap in. You can block out the gentle glow of your open iPhone screen with this Snorlax Sleep Mask.

Just LOOK at this Charizard hat! It has ears!! Charmander has been my go-to since the days of Pokemon Red on Game Boy. Damon chose Bulbasaur as his starter on Pokemon Go. I learned a lot about him when I saw this, and I’d like to note I still accepted his marriage proposal afterward.

And, speaking of Damon…do you think I can get him to wear this? The backs say “I CHOOSE YOU”. Maybe if I go ahead and buy it and start wearing mine front and center I can guilt him in to it. I got no shame in my Poke-game.

There’s really nothing worse than gaining tons of e-points and e-medals and having nothing to show for it in real life. Here’s physical versions of your achievements. Now if only they could do this for Mario coins.

Pokemon Oddish Planter Etsy

Perfect for your desk, so if you work for a company that has banned Pokemon Go like Damon’s, you can still at least think about it during the day. Especially if you haven’t managed to snag one of these suckers yet (thanks, 3-step glitch) — if you can’t have it in-game, have it in real life!

Love the thoughtfulness of a hand-made gift? Here’s how to make one yourself from Darby Smart. (They also offer the supplies!)

Pokemon Pikachu Self Defense Keychain Etsy

This one goes out to the ladies — for those late nights when you’re perusing the streets for Pokemon after dark. Sometimes you gotta work late and push back your hunting time, I get it. I’m gonna be honest, Pikachu looks like he’s enjoying his use little too much. Can the eyes just look at me, instead of rolled back like that? But it’s like a set of Pokemon brass knuckles, so I dig it.

Pokemon Shotglass Etsy

Now here’s something you probably couldn’t do the first time you ever played Pokemon — drink. Damon’s getting Bulbasaur, of course. And here’s a fun drinking game to start — every time you get annoyed that the Pokemon Go servers won’t load, you take a shot. (Kidding. Please don’t. You might die.)

Pokemon Pokedex Phone Case Etsy

I mean…you gotta. This thing is too cool. I hear there’s a 3D printer pattern available out there, but if you haven’t got one, this looks like the place to go. Here’s some instructions for adding a battery charger so you can stay out hunting even longer.


So far, this is what I’ve got. Hopefully as the game becomes more popular the internet will birth even more fun goodies. Or evolve the existing ones. Anyhoo, I’m off to walk over to the kitchen to see if the GPS signal is good enough to access my office building’s centralized gym. Send me snapchats (kelleygreene) in your Pikachu onesies!



We’re Engaged!

Aah! It’s true, I can’t believe it! Damon and I are engaged! Here’s the story.

Saturday we went out with plans to go to the Chicago Botanic Garden. We’d never been before, and I was excited to get out on such a beautiful day. It was super sunny and in the 70s so not too hot out! I also planned to snap some photos for the blog and hunt for some rare Pokemon along the way.

On the way, we stopped by the mall at Northbrook Court to pick up a new pair of sunglasses for me so I could actually enjoy being outside in the sunlight (Anyone else with pale eyes having a hell of a time this summer? Damon got some new Ray-Bans last weekend and had talked up the polarization so much I had to get some for myself.) and I also got a new sport band for my Apple Watch (thanks, Adam!).

After lunch we meandered over to the Botanic Garden.



We were totally surprised at the crowd and had to wait in line just to get in to the parking lot. We found a spot pretty easily though. It’s $30 for parking! I’m guessing that’s just to cover keeping the place open, since entry is free. Membership is pretty reasonable though — $90 for the year, so the fee is covered in just 3 visits. We’re definitely considering it for next summer!

Anyhoo, we got inside and grabbed a map, then headed off through the gardens. They’re so gorgeous! It’s crazy to think this place is just outside the city. And it’s huge! There’s miles of trails to walk or ride bikes on. A lot of it is sectioned off as “prairie”, so we decided just to stick to the well-groomed and organized garden areas this trip so we could see all the pretty flowers.

Just as you exit the Visitor’s Center there’s a gorgeous floral overhang. I’ll admit I missed getting any quality photos of the area because I was a bit busy I snagging myself a Spearow and a Pidgey. Then we headed off to the left, where there were some amazing ponds with huge lilypads!


Look at those flowers! I also wish I’d snapped a few more photos in this zone — there was a cool section of herbs such as mint and lavender, which smelled amazing. There was also some odd unlabeled plant there that had huge green-blue leaves and was covered with a soft, white fur. I wish I knew what it was. I need one for my in-home window jungle!

After this, we wandered over to the meticulously managed Japanese garden. It’s so amazing! Here’s a pic of some of the pine trees (Yes, those are just pine trees!) they’ve clipped on a little untouched island area. I have no idea how old these trees are, but they mention in some of the signage that they’re actually trimmed to give them more of an essence of age.

Chicago Botanic Garden Japanese Garden

Not pictured: The copious amounts of goose poop on the hill we were standing on.

As we headed up to the Japanese Garden area, we crossed the little zigzag bridge and Damon mentioned that he was really excited to see the willow trees. He’d spent a lot of time under them as a kid and was looking forward to reminiscing. It wasn’t something we had ever really talked about before, but he told me some sweet stories about sitting under them as a place to think when he was growing up.

We walked under the first one we saw and some geese swam up and approached us, bringing with them a bunch of tourists also snapping photos.


I could tell that Damon wasn’t really happy about the crowd forming around the birds, and thought maybe he was just looking to get a bit more solitude under the tree. We waited a bit, but the birds didn’t leave and neither did the million amateur photographers, so we walked on around the path.

We soon found another willow, though this one had a sign in front of it on it saying, “Stay on the Path”.

Willow Tree

Damon sighed in disappointment and I said “No one’s around, go ahead!” and urged him under the tree. It was pretty clear from the ground that plenty of folks had ignored the sign, anyway. Then he beckoned me down under the tree as well, so I hopped down the path.

Before I knew it, he had taken the ring box out of his pocket and was asking me to marry him! He said a bunch of sweet things, none of which I remember, and we both cried. And look at this thing, it’s freaking gorgeous!!


IT’S SO PRETTY! #handmodel #gladipaintedmynails

We spent the rest of the afternoon texting family and friends to let them know and spent a portion of our remaining time at wandering around the garden a bit and then just sitting on benches, holding hands and admiring my fancy new bling.

All the rest of my photos of the Botanic Garden are different angles of my hand in front of pretty green scenery, but I think for blog purposes, one is enough. Haha.


Double Ray-Ban dorks. Excited!

We are both super thrilled and excited to be engaged. And as Damon said — I can’t wait to marry my best friend!

Hope you’re ready for me to blog about my confusion with wedding planning, because I’m already overwhelmed and it’s been 3 days. Still basking in the glow of this amazing hardware though!

Funny, Life, Shopping

The 7 Most Ridiculous Amazon Prime Day Sales

Well, it’s that time of year again! Amazon is doing some spring cleaning and is pulling out ALL THE STOPS to get us to buy shit from their cruddy garage sale. That’s right, it’s PRIME DAY!

Amazon has literally gone into the depths of their warehouse to dig out items covered in cobwebs and generations of dust bunny families and sell them to you (yes, you) at a tremendous (-ish) discount. Here are 5 items I’m certain you definitely have a use for but didn’t even know you needed. So get to it!


1. AmScope PS25 Prepared Microscope Slide Set for Basic Biological Science Education, 25 Slides, Includes Fitted Wooden Case



Who doesn’t need a set of microscope slides? I see in the title here it reads “for Basic Biological Science Education”, but what’s more educational than checking out the moldy science experiment you’re growing on the bag of shredded cheese that somehow got pushed to the back of your fridge? Don’t forget your microscope, either!


2. CPR Call Blocker V202 1200 Number Capacity Block Telemarketer Calls, Solicitor Calls, Junk Faxes


Yes, that’s the exact listing title for this wonder of technology. There’s little you need more in life than to block unwanted callers on your trusty analog home phone line. With a gorgeously designed UI and a giant red “BLOCK NOW” button, I hope you’ll not forget about us plebes left behind in the 21st century.


3. MaxBrew 24K GOLD Keurig Accessories (1) Single K-Cup Reusable (1) K-Carafe Reusable (3) Premium Water Filters for Keurig 2.0 – The Ultimate Accessory Pack

What better way to cement your status as a member of the bourgeoise than with your 24 karat gold k-cup brewer? The one thing this has against you is that it’s reusable, but at a price like this, they might as well be disposable. Buy 365 and toss them until next year’s PRIME DAY!


4. Bestway Lay-Z-Spa Miami Inflatable Hot Tub


This is for those of you considering having Pop-Pop in the attic (the mere fact that I’m calling it that tells you I’m not ready). Also, this seems like the perfect item to have delivered to your office so they can hold it in the mail room until you’re ready to bear hug it on to mass transit during rush hour.


5. HYDRA SmartBottle – BPA-FREE Water Bottle, Bluetooth Speaker with Speakerphone, 4000 mAh Power Bank Charger, Multicolor LED Light – Free Android and iPhone App


You know that person on the train who’s listening to music but “forgot” his headphones? Or for you more suburban types, when you’re in the grocery store and someone’s got their significant other on speakerphone because they forgot their list, and somehow end up following you row after row after row? Well, now you can be that person. And, stay hydrated in the process. Take this to the gym.  People will love it.


6. Cleaing Heavy Duty Non Slip Machine-made Disposable Shoe Covers with Tread Pattern and Strip on Sole 100 Piece



Mom’s no-shoes-in-the-house rule is finally in full swing. And, if you can’t remember to take your shoes off, you can either a) wear these all day long and remove them when you get home (yes, that means you have to wear them to school) or b) put these on before you walk through the door. And yes, that means your friends, too.


7. API Pondcare Master Liquid Test Kit



Does this test for lead? Asking for an American friend.

8. BONUS: Amazon Echo

You’re not a true American unless you purchase a plastic idol to worship. And what better than a cylinder that actually speaks to you, can answer questions about the weather, and adjust the temperature and music in your house? (I’ve made my choice. I actually bought one of these and will report back on whether or not I become (more of) a self-righteous douchecanoe.)


Well, what are you waiting for? Get over to Amazon and stock up! Happy Amazon Prime Day!

KonMari, Life

5 Easy Ways To Sell Old Clothes Online

Have you got some old clothes you’re looking to sell online? If you’ve been doing some spring cleaning, anytime cleaning, or perhaps you’ve become completely obsessed with the KonMari Method (like me), then this post is for you.

5 Easy Ways to Sell Old Clothes Online

Once you’ve gone through the process of paring down your closet, you’re left with a pile of clothes that you don’t want any more. Of course, you can always find a local charity and donate them, but if you’d like to try to make a little extra cash, I’ve put together a guide to selling on 5 different sites I’ve used in the past. I’ve been selling clothing online for years, and have had a lot of success using them.

I’ve rated them all by ease of listing, shipping, the price you can get, and whether or not you should expect to negotiate with buyers. Keep in mind, though — any time you’re selling a used item, the market dictates what you’re going to be able to get for it. Although you may really love the sweater you wore to your sister’s graduation, if it’s selling online for $2, you’re going to be hard-pressed to get $20 for it.

Also, be sure to be as descriptive as possible when creating your listings. If there are any flaws, defects or damage to the article of clothing, include a photograph so that the buyer knows what they’re getting. It’s also helpful to have a close up of any small patterns/prints, and to state whether or not your item comes from a smoke-free home (this can definitely affect clothing).

Check out the sites below — you can use one, or multiple depending on the value of the items you have to sell!


  • ThredUp
    • Ease of use: 😄😄😄
    • Ease of shipping: ✉️✉️✉️
    • Price you can get: 💰
    • Negotiation: No


ThredUp is the easiest site to use as far as the work needed on your end. However, it’s also the site where you’ll get the least money for the clothes. If you’re not feeling like spending time researching recent sales or photographing your clothes, this is the site for you.

5 Easy Ways To Sell Your Old Clothes Online - ThredUp

You simply request a bag (in the top right-hand corner under the search bar, click the “SELL” link, then click “ORDER A KIT” on the next page). You’ll need to give them some basic information about the items you’re selling and give them your address. Then, ThredUp will send you a bag that you’ll load up with the clothes you’re ready to say goodbye to. They also give you an option — if the clothes aren’t able to be re-sold, they will either recycle the items or send them back to you (but you’ll have to pay for the shipping to have them returned). The bags are huge and come with a pre-paid shipping label on the outside. Once you’ve filled the bag, drop it off at your closest post office. In about 5-6 weeks (after they’ve finished processing), you’ll hear from ThredUp via email, and they’ll let you know how much money they’ll be giving you for your clothes. Keep in mind that because ThredUp is doing all the hard work to re-sell the items, it won’t be retail prices for the items. You can either have the money paid out to you, or use it as credits on the site (because what else are you going to do with all the empty space you have in your closet now?).


  • Vinted
    • Ease of use: 😄😄
    • Ease of shipping: ✉️✉️
    • Price you can get: 💰
    • Negotiation: Yes


Vinted is a site filled with folks selling their old clothes. It’s relatively easy to use, but you’ll still need to photograph your clothes and decide on a price, making it a bit more work than ThredUp.

Here’s a photo of the homepage:

5 Easy Ways to Sell Your Old Clothes Online - Vinted

You can see that some folks have mannequins they use to style the clothes, but if you don’t happen to have one of those laying around, you can snap a selfie in the item, hang it on a hanger, or lay it down flat.

With Vinted, you can set up your listings online; or, if you have a smartphone, Vinted has an app that makes the process relatively simple. Just snap a few photos, write up a description of the item (brand, size, etc.) and Vinted will prompt you for some additional info to help others search for your clothes. As we discussed previously, you’ll want to search the brand or similar items on their site to see what they’re selling for, and price yours accordingly. If it’s in excellent condition, you can ask a bit more; if you’re less concerned about price, you can undercut the other sellers to make your item irresistible.

When a person is interested in the item, they will either buy it outright, or they may make an offer. You can counteroffer, accept their offer, or also offer a trade for an item they’re selling. In my experience, folks on Vinted are more likely to be hunting for a good deal, and the crowd is younger. If you have some items that are worth more, this may not be the place to sell them. Once you come to an agreement, Vinted will email you a pre-paid shipping label. You’ll need to find your own packaging, print the label, affix it to the box/envelope, and drop it off at your local post office. Vinted will then offer a payout directly to your bank account.


  • Poshmark (sign up with code JGARX to get us both $10!)
    • Ease of use: 😄😄
    • Ease of shipping: ✉️✉️
    • Price you can get: 💰💰
    • Negotiation: Yes


Poshmark is extremely similar to Vinted — the biggest difference is that Poshmark is designed more for brand-name items that should expect to fetch a good price.

You can see that the homepage here has items from more well-known brands (and the photos are a little higher quality):

5 Easy Ways to Sell Your Old Clothes Online - Poshmark

Poshmark does not allow you to create listings online, but they’re easy to do with your smartphone. You’re a bit more limited than Vinted (images must be square, only 4, etc.) but you do have fun filters available to fix the photos up a bit if you like. Again, you’ll want to search the site a bit for similar items and price yours accordingly.

Like Vinted, when a buyer is interested, they’ll either make an offer or buy the item outright (trades can be facilitated here, but are much less common). Once you’ve come to an agreement and made a deal, Poshmark will send you a pre-paid shipping label. Again, you’ll need to find your own packaging, affix the label and drop it off at the post office. Though it’s slightly more difficult to locate than on Vinted, you can still have a payout made directly to your bank account. However, you can also use the money you’ve made here as credits for the site.


  • eBay
    • Ease of use: 😄😄
    • Ease of shipping: ✉️
    • Price you can ask for: 💰💰
    • Negotiation: Unlikely, but possible


eBay is one of the most well-known sites for selling online, but not many people think of it for selling used clothes. However, it’s pretty easy, and you can get good money for the items because people on eBay are usually looking for something specific when they visit the site.

Some of the items that show up when you search “anthropologie”:

Screen Shot 2016-06-05 at 6.01.18 PM

Like Vinted, you can create listings from either your phone or your computer, and can easily snap photos with your smartphone during the process. In addition, eBay has some features that make selling pretty easy. If you can find something just like your item, there’s an option to “Sell Similar Item”. This autofills a lot of the required information, and you only have to add your own photos and description.

The big difference with eBay is the selling options — you can either set up an auction or put a set price. Either way, you can give the buyer the option to make an offer (if you do want to negotiate). Sometimes, even with an auction or set price, you will get a message from a buyer looking to negotiate, and you can decide if you want to do that as well. With an auction, you can underprice the item a bit in the hopes of getting a bidding war going. This is great for sought-after name-brand items.

Once you’ve completed the sale, eBay will notify you that the buyer has paid and put the money directly in to your PayPal account. The easiest way to ship the item is using eBay’s process to create a pre-paid shipping label for USPS. This does mean that you will need to have a general idea of how much the item weighs so that you can accurately purchase postage, as well as the type of shipping you’d like to use (priority mail vs. first class, etc.). You’ll also need to provide your own box. Then, just affix the label and drop the item off at the post office.

  • Etsy
    • Ease of use: 😄
    • Ease of shipping: ✉️
    • Price you can get: 💰💰💰
    • Negotiation: No

Etsy is definitely the most time-consuming site to setup and use, but can get you the best price. Keep in mind that Etsy is only for vintage or handmade clothing. You’ll need to research any vintage items to get as much history as possible. With handmade items, if they’re one-of-a-kind, you can decide the price!

Screen Shot 2016-06-05 at 6.37.25 PM

In order to sell on Etsy, you’ll need to set up a shop. Here’s a link to mine so that you can get an idea of what that looks like. I’ll follow up later with more information on setting up an Etsy shop, but for now, the main things that you need to know are that you’ll be setting up a URL, creating a description, and filling out your shop policies.

You’re going to want to use the most professional photographs that you can get — if you have a professional camera, I would recommend using it. Find a fun background to use as well — either white, or a brick wall, something fun, but not too distracting.

As I mentioned before, list the item with as much detail as you can. Do a thorough inspection of the clothing. Search the site for pricing ideas, and include relevant tags in your listing. Do your research.

Once the item is purchased, it’s easiest to go through Etsy’s shipping process. This is identical to eBay’s — you’ll need weight and your shipping process, and then can print out a label that you’ll affix to your own packaging. Then drop it off at the post-office, and you’re set! Etsy will pay out to a bank account once a week, on Mondays.


That’s the basics of selling clothes online! Do you use other sites? Have questions, or any other tips? Let me know in the comments!


Ants on a Pinecone

Anyone who’s grown up in the South like I did has a very intimate familiarity with ants. And in Texas, it’s red ants, fire ants, giant termite-y winged ants, and even little black sugar ants. My friend Michelle had sugar ants in her room for a bit when we were growing up, and I remember her telling me “Oh it’s fine, they can’t bite, so don’t even worry about them.” Right. Just like daddy long legs. “Their mouths are turned inside out and they can’t even bite you!” I don’t give a shit if it can bite me. I don’t want the fuckers in my vicinity. End of story.

Anyhoo, on a trip to my hometown a couple years ago, I stumbled across one of these:

328(Stolen from internet)

If you’re not familiar with that, it’s an ant bed. I’m not sure if these are around up here in Chicago. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one here, and I know from experience that ants don’t solely make their homes in peoples backyards so I tend to believe they’re much more rare up here. In fact, I know in Texas they love to plop themselves in the most inconvenient places, like the playground or on the field where you practice soccer.

For those of you who aren’t experienced in the topic — that ant bed is just the tiny tip of an insane iceberg that sits beneath the ground. It’s like the little baby tip of an Egyptian pyramid of intricate tunnels filled with, well, ants. (Check out this Gizmodo article. They pour hot aluminum into an ant bed (mwahahahahaha fuck you assholes) and you can get a good look at the structure.)

And I’m going to fill you in on this from the knowledge I retained from my childhood. There’s like, one queen ant, and all the others are worker ants. The queen ant is like wayyyy down in there. Like, you’ll never see her. And I’m pretty sure she’s mega gross, too.

Never mind, I googled it. She’s like a regular ant, but with a giant abdomen. For eggs ‘n’ such. Gross. Ugh, I’m scratching my neck right now. I can’t look at them on the internet, which is why I’m not including a photo here. Look for yourself. I can’t. They’re ON me!

And also, ant beds can be really dangerous. They’re scary. You accidentally kneel down in a fire ants’ bed at 10 years old and by the time you’ve realized it you’re covered in more bites than you can count. You can try to jump in the pool, but it’s too damn late. Your whole fucking knee swells up and the damn bites eventually get pustules on them and you’ve got to wrap your knee in gauze, limp around for a week and sit uncomfortably in school through two episodes of Voyage of the Mimi.

The other thing that’s important to note about ant beds is, when you’re an elementary school aged kid, they’re great for experiments. For example: “What if I pour my Coke out on the ant bed, how will they react?” “Let’s kick our soccer ball into the ant bed. Will they stick to the ball and ride it?” “I’m gonna dump my water out on the ant bed, let’s see if ants can swim.” And of course the ever present, “What will the ants do if I stomp all over the bed real hard in my soccer cleats, then run?”

And so, the story I’d like to share with you today is about an experiment done by myself and my best friend in elementary school, Adam. (Because no one proves a theory better than two 5th graders.)

Hypothesis: Will ants climb a pinecone to get to a SweeTart (blue)?

Prediction: Ants will climb anything to get to sugary stuff, so yes.

Tools needed: One (1) Ant bed (located in the elementary school yard behind the strip center my mom’s Pharmacy was in)
One (1) Pinecone (obtained legally for free about 15 feet from the ant bed)

jeffery(Found on internet)

One (1) package of SweeTarts (purchased from Mr. Mercury convenient store at the end of the aforementioned strip center)

Unknown(C’mon, you know I didn’t take this photo. I have no patience for photographing SweeTarts. If I had them, I’d have eaten them already.)

(Sidenote: I don’t know why we gave the ants a blue one. I’m hoping it’s because it accidentally fell on the ground, which may have been the motive for the experiment in the first place. If I wasted a blue SweeTart on something like this I’ll never forgive myself.)

Experiment: Adam set the pinecone on top of the ant bed and put the SweeTart on top. We waited. The ants did nothing. We were impatient 5th graders, so we had to move on. For phase 2, we smashed the ant bed up a bit, then put the pinecone back.

Conclusion: After the ant bed was smashed, the ants didn’t really give a shit about anything. They grabbed a bunch of their eggs and carried them all over the place and swarmed the offending pinecone. They knocked it down, spilling the SweeTart into the bed. They swarmed that too. I don’t know if they enjoyed eating it because they started to spread their attack and we got the hell out of there.

So that’s that.

A Former Ant Scientist

Health & Beauty, Life

That Modcloth Stylish Surprise I Told You About


AND OOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE! I got goodiezzzzzzz!

This is the first time I’ve liked everything I’ve gotten from one of these. In fact, last time I didn’t like much of what I got at all. I think it’s the summer clearout vs the winter one. I’m not the type to wear a striped summer maxi skirt. But winter clothes, I can do. Sweater me up, baby.

Here’s what I got (photos link to the items on Modcloth’s site):

Screen Shot 2016-04-05 at 7.17.36 PM Screen Shot 2016-04-05 at 7.18.05 PM Screen Shot 2016-04-05 at 7.18.27 PM

THE BEST. I’m kiiiiiiiind of obsessed with all of them. I have 2 pairs of shoes I’m going to get rid of to make room for them, as well. They’re all surprisingly comfy and although they’re not something I probably would have bought for myself, I really like all three pairs of shoes.

I also got one top and one skirt. I couldn’t find the skirt on Modcloth’s website — it’s a Modcloth label skirt, nothing particularly crazy about it — burnt orange/rust colored and cable knit, like a sweater. Pretty cute, will probably hang on to it until the fall. I also got a great tank top:

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Real cute. And I’ll definitely wear it. Probably when I get out my lil chakra balancing crystals and pretend like I know something about something. #woowoo Also other times.

And THEN I opened my email this morning to find that Modcloth was now having a 30% off sale. Because apparently these guys don’t get enough of my disposable income. (In fact, weirdly my lil Stylish Surprise banner from my post last week has morphed itself. I guess they’re live or something. #technology)

So, I snagged two more items on my wishlist that have been sitting for years. Literally, years. I’ve wanted the flats forever, and have the skirt in 3 other colors that I love and have been longing for a navy one to match some cute tops:

Pencil Me In FlatBreathtaking Tiger Lilies Skirt in Navy

Help me. Please? Someone? Anyone.

Actually, don’t. I just KonMari’ed the shit out of my closet and have plenty of room to squeeze in goodies I really love.


Yeowza. I can’t wait to wear those goddamn pencil flats.


KonMari, Life


This was an insane weekend of EXTREME everything.

Firstly, Friday night, our IKEA Malm bed frame broke. I’d love to have some steamy story to tell, but Damon was literally just climbing in to bed and BOOM! EXTREME BREAKAGE! The front corner (left if you’re facing the bed) went down. Scared the bejeezus out of Honey, and left our bed at a weird dropped angle. We tried rearranging the planks we’d stuck in it but it was too late. We slept at like a 45 degree angle, with me on the high side. Which was a complete nightmare. I woke up a billion times just to crawl back up to my pillow.

So Saturday, we had to get a new bed. We’d given up on IKEA at this point (this is the second Malm we’ve been through), and decided to go for something a little nicer. We decided to go with West Elm, and braved the pelting snow (EXTREME!) to go to the store.

We ended up with this cool bed frame:

Modern Bed, Linen Weave.

Let me also add that we went down to West Elm figuring they might not have everything we wanted in stock, so we had 3 or 4 beds we were willing to go with. This was not one of them, but was the only bed they had available. We (read: me) weren’t about to sleep on our tilted mattress another night, so we went with it. It’s actually super nice.

We got the thing crammed in to the back of the car, but it didn’t fit. So we had to cruise down North Ave with the back of our car hanging open, from Kingsbury to the Home Depot (not far, just over a lil bridge). Please note that it had stopped snowing while we were in the store, but had picked back up with a renewed fervor when we left, and the wind was whipping around all over the place. Damon got some twine and tied down the back of the car, we went to the house and dropped the bed off.

A couple of weeks ago at Target we’d seen some pretty sweet end tables we were considering using for night stands, and now — what better excuse to pick these guys up?


So in the EXTREME blinding sunlight, the day began to warm up and we swung by the Target on Elston. They’d had 3 of the tables when we were there before, and now they had two, and they didn’t match each other very well (the wood is kinda stripey). We bought the one we liked and agreed to go to another Target. We carried this and our groceries out in the light snow, then headed to finish picking up groceries at Fresh Thyme.

At this point it was snowing again, hard. We went to the other Target, grabbed the other table, and then finally went home. TO START PUTTING THE BED TOGETHER.

Assembly was surprisingly easy, and was quite nice as the sun had started shining again and was streaming through the bedroom window. The thing that took us the longest was cleaning the entire room after we’d taken practically all the furniture out. We scrubbed the floors, the baseboards — there was dust on the wall. I don’t even know how that got there. Insanity.

Now. I’d been making plans all week to KonMari the bathroom. I’ll be following up soon with some additional information on the kitchen and my papers, but this has to be recorded as well, and is convenient as part of my weekend discussion. So, once the bedroom was pretty well set, I dragged everything out of the bathroom and onto the kitchen floor. I present you:

bathroom 1

Anyone who has visited our place knows how small our bathroom is, so the fact that this much stuff came out of there…Damon just kept saying “More?!” as I was piling it up.

Damon and I aren’t particularly smelly people, but we had 11 sticks of deodorant. And I definitely have a lot of hair, but not sure if it was enough to warrant a pile of hair ties this size:


Effing yikes. To my credit, a lot of these were up high in a top shelf and I didn’t have daily access to them. So, there’s that. I was able to pare things down pretty quickly, and while I did that, Damon gave the bathroom a deep cleaning. After about an hour, this is all that remained:


As you can imagine, it was much easier putting everything away.

By the time we finished everything, it was 9 PM, and we were starving. We had an EXTREMEly late dinner and then both completely passed out.

Sunday was relatively uneventful — I had to spend a few hours at work, and Damon and I were so exhausted we couldn’t even think about cleaning anything else. But we were loving our new furniture so much, we bought ourselves this new bookshelf to match our bed.


(I’ll also note that we have an old piece of furniture that came out of a dog-themed store (treats ‘n’ food ‘n’ such) we’re using for our TV stand in the bedroom right now, but that’s a story for another time. It legit has a paw print as the grip for the drawer.) It’s going to have to function more like an entertainment center but should hike the TV up enough that we can watch it comfortably from our bed. Exciting.

From EXTREME weather to EXTREME cleaning to EXTREME furniture building and shopping, this weekend was just crazy. Looking forward to lazing about this Saturday, as long as nothing in our house breaks and requires replacement*!

*Knocking on wood so hard right now.

Health & Beauty, Life, Shopping

Modcloth Stylish Surprise



I just picked up some goodies. Can’t wait to share when they come in!

Influenster, Life

Quaker Cranberry Almond Breakfast Flats from Influenster

As part of my ongoing fun of testing out products with Influenster, I received some Quaker Breakfast Flats to try, Cranberry Almond flavor. Damon and I gave them a whirl this morning.


These are actually surprisingly good. I don’t really eat breakfast bars much because I feel like they waver somewhere between extremely sugary and hard as a rock/overly grainy. They also tend to give me heartburn, because I’m 100.

Anyhoo, these are pretty good. The cranberry adds sweetness without a ton of sugar or icing, and the rest of it doesn’t taste like cardboard. And the texture is kind of like a hard cookie, so my teeth remained intact.

If it’s any indication, I had a couple bites to test, then set the rest down in the kitchen. Damon complained he thought they left a weird aftertaste, but then finished the rest of them (sans the piece he dropped on the floor accidentally and Honey ate — I’d ask her for her opinion of them, but she’s pretty non-discriminatory when it comes to people food). So, I’d say if you’re looking for a snack of some sort these are definitely worth a try.

Thanks for the free food, Influenster and Quaker!

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